Fear.
I don’t even like the way that words feels as I type it. The
bible says perfect love casts out fear and while I know this is true, quite frankly sometimes I am just scared. I know God has it in his hands, I know it was already
written in my life story long ago but I still find myself wanting to hide under
the covers. You know that feeling when you were little and you could either get out of bed in the dark room to walk to your parents room or hide under the covers, yeahhh... that feeling. Oh how I wished I could magically make a light come on back then because there was NO way I was walking through the dark!!
One thing that has me ducking under my cozy comforter lately has been a decision for my career. Now
for those of you who don’t know me well, I am a planner! I love the feeling of
buying my calendar/planner for the year and color coding activites for my
family. Each person has their own color and it all coexists in my planner…also
known as my brain! I enjoy having things laid out and quite frankly dislike
when last minute things get thrown at me. You can see how this NEVER happens
with a husband, two children and a teaching job!! So of course I have had to
learn to roll with the punches a bit, but I still love when the month is mapped
out and more importantly when I know where I am going. So, there has been a new
development in my life lately and I am scared because God gave me a path, but I
have NO IDEA what’s down it, how I get down it or even how to take the first
step! You can see how this would make me a little weak at the knees. So I’m
researching scripture that talks about fear and the main idea I keep getting is
that we aren’t supposed to do it. Easy as that. Just don’t fear. Don’t worry,
don’t fear. And I don’t know about you but that just aint me! I wouldn’t say
I’m a fearful person, but I would say that there are moments when I am afraid,
I know God has my back, yet I cannot release the fear.
For example, I had one
of my best friends tell me she had a growth she was worried about. So naturally
I began to worry too. We prayed as she went to her MRI and she did great! But
the text I got later said “Surgeon called me back and wants me to come in the
morning for a biopsy.” No. No no no, we prayed about this and you rocked your
MRI and everything was going to be okay. Here’s the deal-- We didn’t know if
this would be okay. I spent the morning on my face praying that God would keep
the dreaded C word from the diagnosis. I prayed he would be the great healer I
knew he was and just take it away. I prayed for all the things I had asked Him
for in the last month to just be scratched and to please oh please answer THIS
prayer. (How many of you have done that? “God, all the other stuff was so
meaningless in light of this new situation, please forget my other prayers and
answer this one!!”) I then spent the rest of the morning trying to keep myself
busy so I wouldn’t sit and worry. I knew that my worry would truly change
nothing. Every song that came on the radio was total affirmation that God heard
my cries and was sending comfort and reassurance through the beautiful melodies
and words. But I know how these things
go. I see the diagnosis for other people these days and how we have children
with cancer and young mothers with cancer and friends’ parents with cancer. I
know how it goes. Sometimes God doesn’t take it away. He is the great healer.
Still. But sometimes it’s not his will. So I decided to do the only thing I
could and help make a prayer shield for her. I contacted family and the
wonderful ladies of my small group to pray hard for her to have peace and for
the diagnosis to be positive. I spent the next few hours flipping back and
forth from praying to planning. I was planning how I would help with her
children if she had to have lots of procedures. Planned out how I would go with
her to chemo and bring popsicles. Planned how we would laugh through it all
because I would not allow a disease to change one single thing about our
amazing friendship. And then I got the text. With trembling hands I opened it and
read that there would be no planning on my part. God had already taken it in
His hands. No cancer. Tears of joy fell, praises rang out and the greatest
thanks went up. God had answered the prayer. The one that I asked him to please
remember. Now I’m not saying my prayer was the one that did it but I do know
there was a chorus of women praying for the same thing and I know He heard us
all.
So why the fear? The scriptures in Isaiah tell us “For I am
the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you do not fear
I will help you” That image I see of God taking hold of my hand (and maybe
squeezing it between both of his because sometimes I need that reassurance of
two hands encapsulating one) and sweeping the debris from my path with his foot
so that I won’t stumble is enough to make my eyes sting with tears and my
throat go dry. When we meditate on His word and visualize the scriptures like a
movie in our mind, how can we have time to fear!? We must hide the word in our
hearts each day so that we are walking in the truth. Satan, the great deceiver,
wants us to tiptoe through life like someone walking through a Halloween
exhibit. Jumping at each sound and imagining the worst possible scenario. Jesus
doesn’t want that for us. He wants us to bring things into the light and let
the truth be revealed. He doesn’t want things kept in the dark because that’s
where Satan whispers lies to us. Lies that tell us to be afraid. Lies that tell
us the worst will probably happen. And lies
that ultimately tell us to wonder if God is really with us. Whether it’s a fear
of the unknown path God set before us or the doctor visit we are dreading, we
cannot allow ourselves to believe the lies. We cannot wallow in the worry. We
must meditate on the promises of God and hold on so tightly to that hand He has
stretched out to us and KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that He is “working
all things together for good for those who love Him.” What a relief,
right?! We have a good, good Father who walks through the dark room, leans down
and turns on the light. Now I may have stumbling feet sometimes that want to
fall to the right or left, but my heart wants me to walk in that light my
Father turned on for me. The light that shines down an amazing path. And guess what—I’m finding I don’t even care
that I am unsure where it leads!! I trust my Jesus more than my calendar/planner.
I know you do as well so I encourage us now to walk in the light my friends.
Walk in the light.
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