Today did
not go as planned.
We had a
girls weekend!! And for all of you mommas out there you know how rare and
fabulous these are! There were 10 mommies piled into three cars, taking an
eight hour trip to Nashville, TN. We were on our way to the dotmom conference
which is an amazing event put on by Lifeway and reaches to the hearts of worn
out mommies! It was a weekend filled with laughter, tears, discovery, more
laughter and rejoicing! Hearts were changed, spirits renewed and friendships
forged even stronger. Then the enemy attacked.
You know
when you get to that place where your heart is on fire for the Lord and you
want to go change the world for Him and you know that there will soon be an
attack on your spirit? Yeah, I knew that too. What I didn’t know was how soon
it would be. I knew I wanted to pray for all the mommies that went with us to
have good first days back home and a good first week so that we could form a
hedge of protection around us from the mess that was undoubtedly coming. But
that sneaky devil, he didn’t even give us time. He knew all of us were thinking
let’s start praying as soon as we get home. So, like the thief that comes in
the night, he stole a bright spirit and amazing man from the earth….while we
were all asleep in a hotel room in SC. We didn’t even have time to guard
against it. The attack was so sudden. It was heartbreaking. And it was
eye-opening.
Time. We don’t
always have as much as we think we do. I don’t just mean in terms of death. I
mean in terms of our hearts and souls. We think I’ll handle that tomorrow. I’ll
guard my heart from frustration in the morning. I’ll snuggle with my kids
tomorrow night because I’m too tired right now. But friends, we don’t always
know when the attack will come. The night I choose to go to bed frustrated, I
will undoubtedly wake up to a sick child or an overflowing toilet. The night I
choose to fall asleep in front of the tv instead of praying, I will wake up to
an emptiness in my heart. The night I choose to go to bed angry, I will wake up
with regret. We need to grab each moment that we have and soak every ounce of
God’s love and mercy out of it. Not to burst your bubble Scarlett O’Hara but it’s
not always best to “think about that tomorrow.”
I have to
admit I went to bed Saturday night (well actually Sunday morning) with a bad
attitude. I was cranky from the car ride (I’m not a big road tripper!). I was
in pain from my sciatic nerve flaring up. I just wanted to sleep. And so I did.
I fell asleep without saying I’m sorry to the girls in the car with me. I know
I didn’t make the trip any more enjoyable for them with my silent frustration
that I’m sure they could all feel. So, just as you guessed I awoke to
heartache. The heartbreaking scream from a friend made me jump out of my bed
and run to the bathroom. And as I listened to half of a phone conversation and
watched the tears fall from her eyes I could only sit and cry with her. There
were no words. There were no words to comfort her right then. Only arms to wrap
around her and tears to be spilled on the tiles beneath us. Three friends on the
floor weeping for the heart that was breaking but not a single word was spoken.
Sometimes that’s how life is. You don’t’ have the right words. Sometimes
circumstances in this broken world leave us speechless. I am so thankful that
God gave us arms to hold one another when these moments arise. He knew what he
was doing when he gave us two arms and only one mouth. But as I sat there in my
rumpled clothes from the night before I realized there were no words to take
back how I had acted the night before. And it made my soul ache. Of course this was a tiny grain of sand in
comparison to our circumstances today, but it was an entire landslide in my
heart. I realized that God wants us to have him first all the time. We don’t
get a free pass if it’s 1:30am and we still haven’t found a place to sleep. We
need him to be on the tip of our tongues at every turn. Trusting that He knows
what lies ahead and he will prepare us. He might even give us the words we need
to say before it’s just a little too late.
I’m so glad
He always has open arms for us. That he’s never too busy. That HE DOES have the
right words at exactly the right moment. I just pray that I can have my heart
in tune with Him enough to hear those words being spoken. Some have said that
the tongue is the most powerful part of a person’s body but this weekend I have
to disagree. Open arms that hold us tight were pretty powerful this past
weekend, even when there were no words.
