On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

I’m sure you all know where this is going…Mean Girls! The movie came out ten years ago and had us all laughing at the ridiculous clique-driven high school scene. I’m sure for some of us it hit home in a few spots as well. Can you believe that ten years later we still hear little one liners from the movie and know exactly where it came from?! Can you believe that ten years later we think of the term “plastic” as more than just a synthetic material. And can you believe that ten years later we are seeing more and more of the “mean girl” epidemic in real life?! Did no one see Regina George get slammed by that bus at the end?? And although some of what I see is on social media, what is on my heart today is what I am hearing about in preschool.

Yes, you read that last word correctly. I have heard stories lately of 4 year old girls criticizing clothes, telling one another they “aren’t friends” and directing other girls not to sit by “that” girl. Really? 4 years old? I thought I would have a few more years before my child is refusing to wear a certain pair of pants because “Suzie* laughed at those pants when I wore them, I don’t want to wear them anymore.” (* names have been changed to protect the innocent heehee!) This Mama Bear did not like hearing that come from her girl's lips. At. All. I wanted to march right up to that school and find the Mini-Regina who laughed at my girl and sit her down for a quick chat! That fire comes up in me like I’m sure it does for all of you moms out there as well. But what I want even more than that little sit-down is for HesterGrace to be strong enough to stand up for who she wants to be. I want her to fight her own battles (and win of course LOL). No, seriously I want her to remember that above everything, all the noise and distractions, that God’s opinion of us is the only one that matters. And I can guarantee He is more worried about our hearts than our choice of pants.

It is my desire to equip HesterGrace with biblical truths that speak life into her broken heart and provide courage to face her giants. It is also my desire for the mommies of this world to do the same. Unfortunately, I find myself wondering if we have a generation of “mean mommies” who are raising mean girls. I’m not sure they are doing it on purpose, but we are so saturated in social media and…let’s be honest…bragging about our children online that we are creating little self-absorbed mean girls. I just had a friend tell me that her daughter came out of her dance class and said “mommy the mean girl let me sit beside her!!” Can we please read that again? “Mommy, the mean girl LET me sit beside her.” Now correct me if I’m wrong but I’m thinking that this little 4 year old hasn’t learned how to exclude people and tell others where to sit by watching the movie “Mean Girls.” We as mommies have to set the right example. I know it’s all smocking and bows and designer boots at first but then it turns into a clique of Matilda Jane-Persnickity-UGG-Wearers that exclude the Target wearing child. I’m not saying you can't dress your little girl in any of those designer brands (they’re FABULOUS) but I am saying to not let the labels define her. And I promise if you make the label a big deal, she will too. She hears you say things about your Mommy friends’ clothes or how you would never be caught dead in “that” outfit and she follows suit. She also doesn’t miss it when you snub your nose at the girl in the hand-me-down leotard in the dance studio lobby. They’re watching us. They’re remembering. They’re learning by our example.

I am so thankful that I did not grow up in this Selfie Social Media generation and I don’t have the habit of looking at how many likes my picture gets on Instagram to measure my self-worth.  I do think that we, as mommies, can fall into the deep canyon of what I call the Facebook Faceoff. “Well if little Jane has those boots and that outfit for apple picking then my Sally needs an outfit even better if I’m going to post pictures.” And suddenly a fun family day of apple picking is spent fussing at her not to get that expensive outfit dirty before you snap the perfect picture. It’s a steep climb to get out of that canyon. I speak from experience…unfortunately. And I’m only sharing this with all of you so you can see that I am no Super Mom and I’m right there beside you trying my hardest to be a good one--and sometimes falling down. Plus, I think real friends are honest! I loved having HesterGrace in everything smocked and frilly in the first few years of her life. She was my real life baby doll!! I found myself needing an outfit for each change of season, holiday, birthday party and family picture session. Oh—and a matching bow!! I also found myself loving the compliments on how cute her outfits were. Then suddenly she turned 3 and needed NO help picking out clothes. We would fight most mornings, especially Sundays—let me hang my head in shame on that note – on her outfit of the day. “That isn’t appropriate for church/school/picture day” is what I would say to her but on the inside I was saying “she can’t wear that…what will people think?” I was choosing what other people MIGHT think over my own child’s confidence at that moment. Confidence that her mommy truly believed she was beautiful in whatever she wore. Confidence that she so badly needed from me. When that truth smacked me in the face it was not a frilly feeling. It was a sobering realization of how far I’d fallen into the canyon that  I  created. So now, today (through gritted teeth sometimes) I choose her. I choose to give her the freedom to dress herself in what makes her happy and gives her confidence to face that day with a smile. Because after all isn’t that what we truly want for our daughters? To be confident, independent girls who won’t let a mean girl walk all over their hearts. Confident teenagers who choose a mission trip with their family over a spring break party at the beach. Confident young women who one day will choose the man who truly makes them happy over the one who looks picture perfect. Let’s help them make wise decisions that make their heart and their God happy. Let’s equip them to be confident enough to take the path less traveled and make a difference!

I pray I can be the mom who is my daughter’s biggest cheerleader while also being the voice of reason that guides her life with love and kindness. May her mouth be filled with kind words and her heart full of God’s love. May I set the right example for her to see those things in me. After all, we lead by example right? I also pray that we can raise a generation of God’s Girls who think “mean girls” is just a movie title.

Thanks Arie Cat for being an example of a girl whose heart is full of love and mouth full of kind words.