When There Are No Words

Today did not go as planned.

We had a girls weekend!! And for all of you mommas out there you know how rare and fabulous these are! There were 10 mommies piled into three cars, taking an eight hour trip to Nashville, TN. We were on our way to the dotmom conference which is an amazing event put on by Lifeway and reaches to the hearts of worn out mommies! It was a weekend filled with laughter, tears, discovery, more laughter and rejoicing! Hearts were changed, spirits renewed and friendships forged even stronger. Then the enemy attacked.

You know when you get to that place where your heart is on fire for the Lord and you want to go change the world for Him and you know that there will soon be an attack on your spirit? Yeah, I knew that too. What I didn’t know was how soon it would be. I knew I wanted to pray for all the mommies that went with us to have good first days back home and a good first week so that we could form a hedge of protection around us from the mess that was undoubtedly coming. But that sneaky devil, he didn’t even give us time. He knew all of us were thinking let’s start praying as soon as we get home. So, like the thief that comes in the night, he stole a bright spirit and amazing man from the earth….while we were all asleep in a hotel room in SC. We didn’t even have time to guard against it. The attack was so sudden. It was heartbreaking. And it was eye-opening.

Time. We don’t always have as much as we think we do. I don’t just mean in terms of death. I mean in terms of our hearts and souls. We think I’ll handle that tomorrow. I’ll guard my heart from frustration in the morning. I’ll snuggle with my kids tomorrow night because I’m too tired right now. But friends, we don’t always know when the attack will come. The night I choose to go to bed frustrated, I will undoubtedly wake up to a sick child or an overflowing toilet. The night I choose to fall asleep in front of the tv instead of praying, I will wake up to an emptiness in my heart. The night I choose to go to bed angry, I will wake up with regret. We need to grab each moment that we have and soak every ounce of God’s love and mercy out of it. Not to burst your bubble Scarlett O’Hara but it’s not always best to “think about that tomorrow.”

I have to admit I went to bed Saturday night (well actually Sunday morning) with a bad attitude. I was cranky from the car ride (I’m not a big road tripper!). I was in pain from my sciatic nerve flaring up. I just wanted to sleep. And so I did. I fell asleep without saying I’m sorry to the girls in the car with me. I know I didn’t make the trip any more enjoyable for them with my silent frustration that I’m sure they could all feel. So, just as you guessed I awoke to heartache. The heartbreaking scream from a friend made me jump out of my bed and run to the bathroom. And as I listened to half of a phone conversation and watched the tears fall from her eyes I could only sit and cry with her. There were no words. There were no words to comfort her right then. Only arms to wrap around her and tears to be spilled on the tiles beneath us. Three friends on the floor weeping for the heart that was breaking but not a single word was spoken. Sometimes that’s how life is. You don’t’ have the right words. Sometimes circumstances in this broken world leave us speechless. I am so thankful that God gave us arms to hold one another when these moments arise. He knew what he was doing when he gave us two arms and only one mouth. But as I sat there in my rumpled clothes from the night before I realized there were no words to take back how I had acted the night before. And it made my soul ache.  Of course this was a tiny grain of sand in comparison to our circumstances today, but it was an entire landslide in my heart. I realized that God wants us to have him first all the time. We don’t get a free pass if it’s 1:30am and we still haven’t found a place to sleep. We need him to be on the tip of our tongues at every turn. Trusting that He knows what lies ahead and he will prepare us. He might even give us the words we need to say before it’s just a little too late.  

I’m so glad He always has open arms for us. That he’s never too busy. That HE DOES have the right words at exactly the right moment. I just pray that I can have my heart in tune with Him enough to hear those words being spoken. Some have said that the tongue is the most powerful part of a person’s body but this weekend I have to disagree. Open arms that hold us tight were pretty powerful this past weekend, even when there were no words.